People across the world have amazing ways to kick off the new year, and for our celebration, three of us here at Happy Hour decided to do a cheap beer taste test. The three sampled a number of cheap beers and made very simple notes on each without knowing what was what. Check out the results:
ABSTRACT
Most beer comes from Heaven as a gift from God. Some beer, however, is rooted deep in the pits of a tasteless Hell. THESE are the beers we came together on this first day of a new year to analyze. Enclosed are the findings.
PROCEDURE
The Fraternity of Alcohol Research Tasting Studies [FARTS] conducted a single blind taste test of fifteen (15) cheap garbage beers.
There was a 25% attrition rate. (That means one (1) out of four (4) participants gave up after tasting eight (8) gross beers.)
There was a 0% vomiting rate. In addition, there was a 100% giggling rate at the idea of a 69% of anything rate.
RESULTS
After relentlessly conducting research on the given topic, [FARTS] found the following:
TOP 3 CHEAP BEERS*
Miller High Life, Busch Light & Coors Light
(Excerpt from Raw Data: Miller High Life - Fairly unoffensive, kinda dry. Alan says it's a winner.)
BOTTOM 3 CHEAP BEERS*
Milwaukee Special Reserve, Heineken & MGD64
(Excerpt from Raw Data: MGD64 - Remarkable Negative Smell, Maybe olives or pizza crust. "Compared to this beer, Jon's ass smells like an apple pie.")
HONORABLE MENTION*
Labbatt Blue Light, Pabst Blue Ribbon & Red Dog
(Excerpt from Raw Data: Red Dog - Metallic, not crisp, maybe salty. Lick a stamp residual finish.)
*BASED ON BEERS TESTED IN SAID CONDITIONS, ORDER VARIES BY RESEARCHER
CONCLUSION
All [FARTS] participants agreed that all of these beers were bad. The entire testing facility smelled of urine from the similarly urine-colored beers. All [FARTS] participants were delighted that Heineken scored low on the list and resulted in lots of giggles. The term [FARTS] was of course conceived following the taste test and each participant drank five (5) beers a piece.
INITIAL BLIND TEST DATA COLLECTION IMAGES BELOW:
Study conducted by Jessica, Becky & Alan.
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