Magic Reviews: Country Mill

You've got Uncle John's, Andy T's, Parshallville, Dexter, Almar and others.  I've been to a few, and as a non-native Michigander I feel I bring a certain acumen to the judging and analysis of cider mills in the crisp Autumn in Michigan.

I'll review Country Mill Cider Mill today, because we just went there for some family fun.  Country Mill is in Charlotte, highlights include the Orchard Express, a pumpkin patch, some cider, a buttload of apples, supposedly a petting zoo, and some crap for the kiddies to play on.



This review will focus on three primary elements of the experience:

1. Attractions
2. Vittles
3. Ambiance

Attractions

Country Mill has a ton of kitschy wood board cut-outs for photo-ops.  The ones where you stick your head in the hole and someone nabs a click of you looking like a craaaaazy scarecrow!!!!  WhoooOOOooOOaaAA!  I love this kind of thing.  I make fun of it and mock it, but I do it and mock myself doing it.  We hold our daughter (1 year old) up and force her to be cute in the things, and we get as many cut out photos of her as we can.  We started when she was 2 months old and now we can't stop.

The petting zoo was nowhere to be found.  There were a few lacsidaisical ponies chained to a wheel that kids could ride for $5, and I suppose it's better to have lacsadaisacle ponies than ferocoius ones.  Still it was somewhat weak.

The Orchard Express certainly took you near the orchard.  Hey!  It some apples!  Look..a pond...and some apples.  Oh we're back where we started.  Great ride.  At least we got to sit on some straw.  Apparently when you go on a hay ride, the seating situation is usually straw.  So it's not just boring, it's also a lie.

Vittles

If your doughnuts aren't mouthwatering and perfect in Michigan in the fall than you are seriously in need of a brutal assault.  Fortunately for Country Mills, they nailed it.  Crisp, warm, light, awesome.  Perfect little doughnuts.

Ambiance

You know?  This review has become really tired.  Let's spice things up a bit shall we?

There.  That's pretty much exactly what Country Mill was like. This review just got way better.  It's about to get the best though.  It's over.


Final grade: Female Ninja Magic Vagina Bubbles From Hell and Fun for the Whole Family